Friday, May 19, 2006
THIS IS A MUST READ IF U ARE FEELING DOWN AND IF U FEEL LYK THE LORD HAS FORSAKEN U OR GIVEN UP ON U. Denise won two tickets to over the hedge!! OVER THE HEDGE man!! i've been waiting for that movie since nanny mc phee came out. and i am sacrificing that for Youth In the Spirit Seminar(YISS).
Next week I have 3 tests and a speech presentation. sucks. and for the whole weekend i have only 10 hours to study because all the other time is taken up by YISS!! and 12.5 is inclusive of sleeping, eating bathing, playing... ii can't imagine how much is left after deducting all these.
However, today, something in me changed. Today was the day YISS started... I went there with a closed heart, frustrated and angry that i was spending so much time there. I rushed there from cca.. I was exhausted and didn't wish to participate. I only wanted to crawl into bed and sleep. Just then, aunty cecilia asked us to draw a picture that is seperating us from god then close our eyes and imagine a door.. My mind thought-
"oh wow!! time for me to sleep for a while" but my heart somehow refused.. so i ended up paying attention and imagining.
I drew me being squashed by a BIG 'F'- represents me being disheartened by the times
I failed, and in those times i questioned the lord. Where was him when I failed in doing something, or when I messed up. Where was he when i needed him most, where was he when i needed him to hold me and tell me things will be better? I was really getting emotionally worked up then.
At that moment, aunty cecilia asked us to imagine us walking towards a door with that picture in hand.
I did.
She asked us to walk through that door and see a beautiful field.
I did.
I saw a never ending expense of greenery, speckeled with golden marigolds. I felt the light zypher caress my cheek. The air smelt crisp and fresh, and beautiful blue and white birds roamed the open skys, filling the air with their joyful chirps. I was taken aback by the beauty lying before my eyes.
Aunty Cecilia said we saw a large tree and we started to walk towards it.
So I did.
As I approached I saw Jesus sitting beneath it.
I sat down and showed him the picture in my hands. I explained to him what it meant, and poured out my feelings to him. Letting go of all frustrations and doubts. Questioning him- Why? WHY WEREN'T YOU THERE??
Jesus looked at me and smiled.
He placed his hand where my heart was. and he told me..
"My child, I have ALWAYS been here with you. And I will ALWAYS be there for you."
Today, I walked out of that room, a changed person.
doubt no longer and believe
Y11:01 PM
